The Peppers and the International Magic Guys Read online

  “What are you doing?” Deidre joined Esmé in the wings, having left the old manual spotlight when she noticed the cage levitate and the dry ice appear. “What are these buttons and levers?”

  “Maureen gave me the map,” whispered Esmé. “I worked out where the levers were kept – behind a wardrobe door.”

  “So this is the Operations room!” It had taken Deidre a while to realise. “My goodness, Esmé, you’ve found it! I’ve been a member of the IMG for thirty years and never figured out where it was. The Houdini secret! It’s yours!”

  Esmé smiled. She gazed out into the audience, where formerly uninterested people were now beginning to smile. Yentovitz had starting paying attention – even Nigella, who had been busy completing the Club Eviction form, looked up in surprise. The cage was flying, there was music… OK. Maybe this is good, Nigella thought. At least it’s better than it was…

  With the cage high in the air, Esmé decided to crank another lever, which made the trap door open. Stupeedo, dressed as a lion, suddenly rose up on to stage level.

  The audience gasped. This was something unexpected! From the wings Deidre Lemons gazed at the stage in awe. This was fantastic. Deidre felt a ripple of “old times” down her shoulders, a whisper of “halcyon days” by her neck and a gargle of “yesteryear’s laughter” in her throat. Her tiara caught the light and shone. Her teeth, which had been whitened on the cheap two years ago, glimmered slightly. Danger. Excitement. Levitation.

  But for Stupeedo, the unexpected was not a good thing. He was meant to replace Monty inside the box, but Monty was now many metres above the stage. The Great Stupeedo simply did not know what to do. He stared at Uncle Potty in bewilderment.

  “My my!” said Uncle Potty, improvising. “Look how the Cage Of Possibilities travels out of sight of the great lion!”

  The lion shrugged.

  Esmé snuck a look at the stage and saw the confusion. “What do I do now?” she whispered to Deidre. “Stupeedo wouldn’t even fit in the box if he tried, he’s far too big.”

  Esmé pressed another button and the cage lowered back down. A large puff of dry ice squirted at Stupeedo, the music changed to a crazy violin solo and the sequins turned to balloons.

  The audience howled with laughter. What would happen next?

  Monty needed to get out of the box, he felt truly ill and his legs ached. Maybe he had gone through the trap door and was under the stage by now – although he could have been in Swindon he felt so disorientated.

  For the moment, Uncle Potty was having to provide an entertaining front as best he could.

  “As you can see, my lovely guests, the lion has roared!” He looked at Stupeedo, hoping that he would roar.

  “Roar,” said Stupeedo, still bewildered. “What will poor mousey do now? Confront the beast?” Uncle Potty did not know what mousey would do, or what mousey should do. He did not really know what anyone was doing, but he was really enjoying himself.

  Esmé saw the chaos and realised that there was only one thing for it: The “Houdini” button. She located it and pressed it once firmly.

  As Monty stood up and dizzily stepped out of the box on to the stage, he accidentally knocked Stupeedo back down the trap door. At once, fireworks went off at the back of the stage and the rear curtain fell to reveal a huge neon sign that read “International Magic Guys”. A hundred doves appeared from the curtain.

  “The angry lion becomes a hundred peaceful doves,” Uncle Potty told the rapt audience, as he lifted his foot and placed it lightly on Stupeedo’s head, which was sticking out of the trap door. Esmé watched as Monty tried to flap the birds away – this was utter mayhem, but to the audience it looked like Monty was conducting events. Most of the birds landed on the cage, which then rose high into the air again, where they started pecking at each other.

  “The mouse wins against the lion! All hail mousey!” said Uncle Potty, who was still loving every minute. A firework exploded again and rained a thousand sequins.

  The audience lapped this up. They were wild for fireworks, the neon sign, the doves – and they especially loved “mousey”. Stupeedo’s helmeted head sticking out of the trap door was just hilarious. Nigella was pleased – now this was a finale. A good one.

  Maybe the IMG deserved a second chance. Maybe the IMG was actually a good magic club.

  But Monty could take no more. He was too hot and felt sick. He reached up and took the mouse head off and stood blinking in the brightness of the spotlights.

  Nigella’s face turned from rosy and delighted to bright white and not-very-pleased-at-all.

  “There is a child in this building!” Nigella shouted, as if she’d seen a mouse – which was ironic, as Monty was dressed as one.

  “This is against the rules!” she barked. “Let me speak to Maureen Houdini. The IMG is finished!”

  Silence descended. Every single person knew that children were not allowed in the IMG building. Nigella was furious; she felt that she and the PCMC had been made fools of.

  Esmé was horrified – they had been so close to success, even with the glitches in the finale. Something needed to be done and she would not let Nigella close the IMG.

  Esmé spotted the dairy creamer tubs on Jimi’s tea trolley in the wings. Hadn’t Monty mentioned he had a favourite trick – the Dairy Creamer Eye Splurge?

  Esmé cupped her hands round her mouth and shouted “broccoli!” at her twin.

  Monty looked over at his sister and wondered if she was in trouble. Why was she waving something at him? It looked like… yes, it was… a tub of Dairy Creamer. All at once Monty realised what Esmé wanted him to do. He smiled and nodded at his twin. Just as Nigella was opening her mouth to start shouting at everyone, Esmé threw something to Monty who quickly hid it, then turned and faced the audience.

  “Wait!” he commanded. “I have the trick of all tricks to perform.”

  Uncle Potty, Deidre and Stupeedo took a step away from Monty as Esmé dimmed the lights and centred a clean white spotlight on her twin.

  Monty was a little apprehensive as he cupped the creamer in his left hand behind his back, but he breathed in deeply and started the routine.

  First, he instructed the audience to watch closely. “I promise you, that if each of you remain silent after this trick, I will give every one of you fifty pounds.”

  Esmé was intrigued. Monty didn’t have a single fifty-pound note that he could hand out to the hundred or so members of the IMG. She recalled that he had about two pounds in his savings box at home, which he was keeping for “magical emergencies”. Monty must be certain that this trick will work, she thought.

  Montague Pepper was indeed becoming more assured. “And if you don’t stay silent, you will each pay me ten pounds.”

  The audience smiled silently. Of course they could stay quiet! They had seen plenty of magic tricks and they were each confident that nothing would faze them during Monty’s performance.

  Monty smiled. He had concealed the small carton in his left hand and counted slowly to ten in his head, a pause that he hoped would increase the tension within the audience. Steadily and dramatically, he brought his left hand up to his brow, and along with it the hidden carton of dairy creamer.

  “Woe is me!” he cried. “For I am at war with myself!”

  Esmé hoped that being in the box hadn’t had a bad effect on her brother. Was he actually ill? He still looked a bit sweaty. Esmé wondered if she should have brought a thermometer and first-aid kit with her, along with the plasters.

  “Aaargh!” continued Monty, making a gargling sound with his throat. The boy seemed monstrously, but mysteriously unwell. “I cannot see, my right eye has been blighted by the fear of the Pan-Continental Magic Corporation.”

  The audience laughed, while Nigella Spoon turned to her colleagues stiffly. What did the boy mean? Did he have a history of emotional “episodes”? But if Montague was feeling peaky, this was part of the act. With the milk carton concealed over his left eye he swiftly brou
ght his right hand up to his face and shouted,

  “Damn you, eye! Time to gouge thee out!” Monty poked his index finger into the creamer, his supposed eye. Creamy white “mucus” shot everywhere – on to his shoes, the stage and some of the audience.

  “Ooouuuuwww!” Everyone in the hall yelled – some in sympathy, others in horror, genuinely believing the deranged child had poked his eye out. No one, as Monty predicted, could help but shout. None stayed silent, none at all.

  Monty held out the empty creamer cup. “That, my friends, is magic,” he announced and smiled.

  The formerly horrified members of the audience each stood up in their seats and applauded. What a marvellous trick! What an amazing child!

  But Esmé was keen to see Nigella’s reaction. What would she make of this? Did the IMG have a chance?

  The magicians clapped and whooped, pulling money out of their wallets and giving the rolls of banknotes to a stunned Monty. Some were still unsure he was all right, and were trying to call NHS Direct on their mobiles. Monty was astonished the trick had actually worked, and over the moon that he had succeeded. As more crinkly notes were stuffed in his pockets, Nigella Spoon stood up and walked towards the stage.

  Monty stood frozen. Nigella’s face was stern and he feared the worst.

  But the grimace turned into a grin as Nigella walked on to the stage itself.

  “What a fantastic trick! Young man, you are a credit to the world of magic. You have outwitted everyone here.”

  “Thank you,” said Monty. “I tried my best.”

  “But you know that we do have a policy about children.”

  Uncle Potty stood forward. “We have known this all along,” he explained. “But you do not know just how much the children have helped today.”

  “Children?” asked Nigella. “Are there more?”

  Esmé took this as her cue to appear from the wings. Nigella was shocked to see another child in the building, but she was thinking fast. She turned to Yentovitz. “Remind me of the exact wording, please.”

  Yentovitz consulted his electronic device and read from it: “Clause fifty-one, section b) of the Juvenile Ruling Act means that no child is allowed in any of the Pan-Continental Magic Corporation clubs in a professional or junior capacity. And that is final.”

  “What if we join the dots, Yentovitz?” asked Nigella. “Would you check the stats on all our clubs in Britain, please? Are they doing well, as a whole?”

  Yentovitz started tapping at the device. After a few minutes he replied, “No, not really.”

  “And do you think that has something to do with the fact that we tell our clubs not to admit children?”

  Yentovitz looked blank. He wasn’t accustomed to having his own opinion. Uncle Potty started grinning from ear to ear.

  “Perhaps you need to reverse this policy straight away,” Esmé told Nigella politely.

  “You took the words right out of my mouth,” replied Miss Spoon.

  “OK. Let’s do it. Children are now welcome!”

  “In all totality!” added a freed Maureen, emerging from the wings.

  Thank you for accompanying me on our Dr Pompkins – Totality Magic journey; we are almost at the destination: success. I hope that I have given you a glimpse of the magician’s world, so close that some of you have smelt the oily collar of some of the finest magicians past and present. I don’t need to give you a trick – you now know all the basics. Hurrah!

  In all totality,

  veryone looked round, stunned, as Maureen nonchalantly walked on to centre stage.

  The IMG members in the auditorium applauded – not knowing she had been stuck in a trunk all this time. Although if they had known she had been stuck in a trunk they would have clapped louder. Each audience member wore a Maureen Houdini button badge. Maureen was delighted to see her own smiling face beaming up from so many velvet lapels.

  “Nigella Spoon,” she said, greeting her adversary with an outstretched hand. “So nice to see you.”

  “What took you so long?” Nigella shook Maureen’s hand firmly.

  “Just having a lie-in,” explained Maureen. “Did I hear you say you are going to allow children into the International Magic Guys? Good job too. Some would say that the place was getting a bit stale.”

  Uncle Potty, Deidre and Stupeedo were a bit ruffled by this comment, but each decided not to say anything.

  “I propose that we start an International Magic Guys Junior Division and roll the idea out to the rest of the country in the next few days,” Nigella told Maureen, attempting a broad grin, which only made her look as if she had eaten a very bony, very fishy fish.

  “And the first member…” Yentovitz pointed to Monty.

  “…Is Montague Pepper,” prompted Esmé. Then, to her brother: “The Eye Splurge really is a great trick.”

  “I think we have many things to discuss,” Nigella told Maureen. “Did you see much of the show, by the way…?”

  “Well, no, I didn’t,” answered Maureen.

  As the ladies started talking, Esmé whispered to her brother. “How did Maureen get out?”

  “I have no idea,” came Monty’s reply. “Magic?”

  “Cup of tea, anyone? Light scone, petit fours or maybe a piece of baklava?” Jimi pulled the Global Snack Tea Trolley on to the stage. Soon everyone was enjoying a delicious bite to eat and marvelling at the thought of a new IMG Junior Division. New talent. Fresh ideas.

  Uncle Potty patted Monty on the back. “Excellent trick, something special. How much money did you make?”

  Monty looked in his pockets. They were stuffed with rolls of notes all given to him by the delighted audience.

  “Maybe we could build some kind of club house for the IMG kids,” Monty said to Esmé, while enjoying a scone. “And I’ll get you a new watch.”

  “You could also do with some new chairs,” added Gladstone, who was on his third baklava.

  “I might even put some aside for a new tweed cape for you, Uncle Potty,” laughed Monty. “One that doesn’t smell of mackerel.”

  Uncle Potty was delighted by the way things had turned out.

  “This has been a magnificent day, in all totality!” he told the Pepper children. “Thank you, Esmé and Monty, for saving our club.”

  “Oh, it wasn’t just us,” said Esmé. “Everyone helped out, didn’t they?”

  Esmé smiled at Monty; she was so proud of him.

  Maureen Houdini finished her chat with Nigella and approached Esmé.

  “How did you get out of the trunk in the end?” asked Esmé, who wasn’t a fan of the unexplained.

  “I think the cheese knife had something to do with it,” Maureen said with a wink. “I’ve been thinking that the new Junior Division could do with someone with strong technical skills to help them out backstage. Interested?”

  Esmé beamed proudly. She had been sceptical about magic to begin with, but now she could see it involved a lot of skill and even more fun. “Count me in,” she replied. “I’d be honoured to help.”

  Monty ran up to his twin, joyfully. “I’ve just signed some autographs! Today has been incredible. Esmé, it’s been the best day of my life.”

  Esmé grinned and hugged her brother. “In all totality,” she said.

  And thus we have seen how the world of magic turns ordinary life into one filled with wonder – magic is here to entertain, to delight, to surprise. Be the best you can be, dear reader, keep learning, keep performing - keep the spirit alive! And remember to keep a currant bun in one of your many pockets in case you are caught hungry “on the hoof ”.

  Yours,

  Relaxing with a small glass of sherry, South of France

  Join the Pepper twins on their next fantastic adventure full of magic and mayhem!

  Esmé, Monty and their Uncle Potty have been summoned to the Sea Spray Theatre on the end of Crab Pie Pier. They’re on a mission to keep the old theatre from closing and must perform the show of a lifetime to reel in the crowds.


  But not everyone wants the theatre to survive and a certain someone is determined to sabotage the show, whatever the cost…

  Add a strange island hideaway full of zany inventions, a hair-raising helicopter rescue-mission and the world’s biggest goldfish bowl and the Peppers are in for an unforgettable summer!

  Coming soon!

  Copyright

  First published in Great Britain by

  HarperCollins Children’s Books in 2012

  HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd,

  77-85 Fulham Palace Road, Hammersmith, London W6 8JB

  The HarperCollins website address is www.harpercollins.co.uk

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  Text and additional magic illustrations copyright © Siân Pattenden 2012

  Illustrations copyright © Jimmy Pickering 2012

  The author and illustrator assert the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrator of the work.

  ISBN-13 978-0-00-743001-7

  EPub Edition © JANUARY 2012 ISBN: 9780007430376

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